Eggplant Curry and The Gen. Z Syndrome.
Repetition yielded the favored response and my boys, this time, remembered to pack enough water as we left for my sister’s place yesterday. We took a turn into the gated community, where we noticed a couple of young teenage girls with their lemonade stand. The glass jars with two kinds of lemonade – ‘lemony lemon’ (as they labeled it) and ‘Raspberry Lemonade’, looked aesthetically pleasing. The placard flashed towards the windshield of our vehicle, as they beckoned us to come get some lemonade.
Encouragement and support were the only motivation to go grab a few cups and make some small talk.
A dollar a cup was the price. Call me cheeky, but my first question was how the funds were to be used – hoping to look for a charitable cause and thus, trying to, in my own mind, feel a sense of propitiation. With a sheepish smile, she replied – “nowhere.” Working to earn money – nothing wrong about it. In fact, ‘working to earn’ – a lesson overlooked by many kids today was being put into practice – something applaudable about it.
A $5 bill was turned in and four lemonades, instead of the first intended order of three were placed – again, encouragement was the motivation.
The cups, which were filled only to a little over half of their capacity were delivered and a supposedly winning smile was presented with “Have Nice Day!” The doe eyes and winsome smile should have, would have evaded all the obvious questions. But the Mom and Teacher in me couldn’t let it pass. A few open ended questions involving facts and Math – “How much was given?” “How much did the lemonades cost?” quickly made her realise that the smile and puppy eyes, as sweet and amusing they were, didn’t cut it for me. The reply, which was in the form of a question, worked up the rest of my remaining nerves, only confirming what I already knew was her intention. “Oh..!! You want the dollar back?”
And this is where I floundered, and said, “keep it,” as opposed to, politely and tersely conveying the message – “Yes, I would like it back, since you did not earn it. Had you offered it without me proding, I would have let you keep it.”
The scarcely filled, ‘lemony lemonade,’ was nothing but yellow colored sugar water and tasted exactly like the raspberry one, but for the difference in color. While the taste of the beverage may be discounted owing to their age and giving them all the benefit of doubt, the sense of entitlement was something that made me stay late into the wee hours last night and dive into and recall so many scenarios where kids today just feel they deserve it.
They deserve it because they were told over and over again that they do.They are brainwashed in both secular and even in some Church circles that they are ‘more than enough,’ and that they are perpetual victims, who need to be constantly tended to and placated. They are indoctrinated that what matters is their so called ‘success/happiness’ and that it doesn’t matter on whose feet they stand on to attain it. They are inundated with the ‘reward mentality’ and ‘participation trophy’ culture, where just showing up is enough to win.
I have myself witnessed this mindset multiple times in my classroom. The announcement of any assignment, would inevitably be followed with the question – “Is this graded?” A ‘No,’ is an instant demotivator and the least amount of effort, punctuated by whining and complaining, is contemptuously poured into that non-graded project. “What does this entail for me?” is the only question in mind – as opposed to “what can I learn from it.”
That $1 was just that – a dollar! Thankfully, our lives remain financially unaffected by it. But it is the culture behind it that bothers me. While that lemonade stand incident has kind of triggered me to put my rant into writing, these thoughts and a sense of despair at what we are teaching our kids has been bothering me for quite some time now. Kids are malleable and I do not, in any way, blame them for their behavior. Even those kids, who need the project to be graded in order to give their best performance, will turn around and enjoy the ride, when explained in practical terms that sometimes, we do it because we ought to. We do it in faith – trusting that something good will come out of it. Not all rewards are promised upfront, but we do it because, whatever we do, we do it unto the Lord. (Col.3:17)
And that summarises my appeal to my fellow parents of Gen Z. Let us teach our kids by example and by meaningful sermonizing – that there is nothing free in this world. That we are not that special, neither entitled that we can just take all the blessings we have for granted. That we are infinitesimally small and incredibly blessed when compared to so many other contemporaries, kids their own age – who toil and work in evenings so they may go to School in the morning. That not everything is a ‘one-on-one function.’ “What do I get from it?” should be the last question to be asked especially when they are still tiny tots, learning, exploring, growing and gearing up for the bumpy ride we call ‘life.’ That sometimes, what we get may not be tangible and may be just abstract concepts of satisfaction and fulfilment of a job well done.
That hard and sincere work is always a precursor to a happy belly and a sweet night’s sleep.
A busy, hectic past week has slowed me down this Saturday morning and the task of weekend mopping and deep cleaning was assigned to my boys, who too, in all honesty, were away from their electronics most of last week. This command, was no doubt, initially, met with petition to procrastinate – “Can we finish this game?” “Can we do it after lunch”
But a little persuasion aka a firm commandment, in my dictionary, got them up and working. The house was swept and mopped, furniture was dusted, chores were done. No promises were made, no questions were asked. The boys impressed me enough that I already have an requite in mind. But I did not want that to be the motivation.
Critical, crazy much? May be! But I would any day, relay the message that they are co-contributors rather than entitled heirs of their parents’ hard work. While this narration may sound like a loud blow of my own trumpet, I should say, that we do have days when a bribe and ‘handing the platter’ seems far more tempting and I do cave in. However, the sentiment of ‘work for it if you want it’ is frequently harped upon. Ironically, this approach develops in them a sense of accomplishment and hence, a lasting happiness.
Both the boys gave one glance at the almost spotless living room and breathed a satisfactory, “Looks nice,” before going to bed.
The description of the poor man’s son’s inheritance in James Russel Lowell’s poem, “The Heritage,” gets to the heart of the matter here:
“What doth the poor man’s son inherit?
Wishes o’erjoyed with humble things,
A rank adjudged by toil-won merit,
Content that from employment springs,
A heart that in his labor sings;
A heritage, it seems to me,
A king might wish to hold in fee.”
~ “The Heritage” by James Russel Lowell
It is that contentment we are robbing our children of, if we don’t teach them the law of labor and reward.